


Tell Me To Breath

by DefaltManifesto



Category: Shameless (US)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Character Study, Episode: s05e03 A Night To Remember...Wait What?, F/M, Introspection, Past Rape/Non-con, Sad Ending, Vaginal Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-25
Updated: 2016-12-25
Packaged: 2018-09-11 21:32:12
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,032
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9031625
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DefaltManifesto/pseuds/DefaltManifesto
Summary: Lip needs her, which isn’t nearly as romatnic as everyone seems to think it is. Needing someone came from the base instinct to survive, one she knows all too well, but loving someone? Really loving them? That’s a choice, a commitment.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Title from I've Got Friends by Manchester Orchestra which I feel is a very Mandy song. I feel like Shake It Out by Manchester Orchestra is a very Mickey song so I'll probably write that introspective/character study through sex fic next. 
> 
> Comments are loved, sorry it's so short.

[The tumblr](http://schizzar.tumblr.com)

 

Lip is right. Mandy is smart, she knows that – not that her smarts have ever really gotten her anywhere the way Lip’s have. She’s smart enough to know what he’s doing, coming to her the night before she has to leave. Boys are never as slick as they think they are, and between Mickey, Ian, and Lip it’s obvious that they’re attempting to build her up and make her think she’s worth more than she knows she is. And yet, it’s endearing. It also breaks her heart in a weird way.

Men always think she’s worth more than she is, and it's only when they stop putting in effort that they realize it.

When Lip takes her to bed, it’s the gentlest sex she’s ever had. Before, they’d had great sex but it hadn’t been like this, staring into each other’s eyes likes it’s some damn rom-com. She wants to hate how much she likes that. She knows better, that the good feelings never last, that there’s always some Terry or Kenyatta to come storming through and destroy it all. Still, it’s hard not to get caught up in it when Lip stares at her like she’s the most important thing in the world.

But Mandy knows nothing if she doesn’t know men. Lip certainly cares for her, loves her maybe. Men always love her when she’s riding their cocks or jerking them off onto her tits. Love isn’t really a good thing, and yet like good things, it never lasts. For most people, it doesn’t even last through the afterglow. Even when they were dating, before the fighting and arguing, Lip’s close intimacy never lasted long.

Somehow, this feels different. She knows it’s not, that Lip’s best attempt to convince her to stay will only amount to a few nice words and a fuck, but it’s enough to finally trick herself into thinking that she matters at least for a little while. She focuses on the feel of his abs flexing as he fucks her, letting her fingers splay out across his abdomen even as her legs spread. His dick isn’t obnoxiously huge or anything, but he always knew how to move. The slow pace he’s using makes it even more intense. Her breath escapes her in gasps, her hands clutching his hair as he presses their lips together.

The kiss makes here want to cry. She’s been kissed more than she’s been fucked, but like fucking it’s always felt like a fight. There was a reason men avoided kisses, at least in her experience. If a woman knew what she was doing, she could break a man’s will with a kiss. She’d done it plenty of times, partially from cruelty, and partially to remind herself that at least sometimes, she could stop men from controlling her and could control them instead.

Lip’s kisses shake her to her core. She feels hot, her skin crawling with something like desperation as she hitches her leg up and hooks it around Lip’s lower back to force him closer. It’s enough leverage for her to start rocking up against his thrusts. She can tell he likes it from his soft moan and the way his breath comes faster, but it doesn’t make him lose control the way she’d hope. She wants to move this to more comfortable territory. She doesn’t want this to feel like she’s being loved.

But Lip just cups her face and keeps his movements slow and careful as he kisses her. Mandy gasps and shakes, hands trembling as she lays her hands over his, not sure if she wants to keep him close or push him away. She knows the feeling won’t last, but she also knows she’s never going to feel this vulnerable and safe at the same time again.

She pushes her fingers into his hair, deepening the kiss even as her eyes start to burn and her throat gets tight. If she were better, she’d know how to make Lip stay. She’d be everything he says she is and he’d stay. The lack of honesty in his words shows through his actions, but she knows he doesn’t see it that way. He just wants her to stay for when he feels too out of place in his ivory tower, a familiar token of poverty and desperation to surround himself with when he’s scared.

Lip doesn’t want her to stay because he loves her. No, he _needs_ her, which isn’t nearly as romatnic as everyone seems to think it is. Needing someone came from the base instinct to survive, one she knows all too well, but _loving_ someone? Really loving them? That’s a choice, a commitment. It’s something Lip would never choose, no matter how much he thinks he needs her. The problem is, Mandy doesn’t need Lip either. She’d spent her whole life learning to survive without needing anyone, and the only reason she chose to stay with Kenyatta was because she knows she’ll never get what she wants. She’ll only ever amount to filling someone else’s need and for Lip that would mean staying in her horror show of a house.

At least Kenyatta will take her away. She’d always hoped that maybe Lip’s need for her meant that she would be able to follow him, go with him wherever he managed to go. But as she’d always known, she doesn’t deserve someone who can make it out. When all she can do is fill the gaps in someone else’s life, she’s destined to end up with the least humanity has to offer. It’d happened the day she was born with a man willing to rape her as her father, and a bunch of thugs for brothers. When your hand starts out that shitty, it’s not meant to get better.

That doesn’t stop her from wanting it to though.

“I love you.”

The words tumbleout of her before Mandy can stop them. For a moment, as Lip stares down at her, she lets herself hope for just a second that she’ll get what she wants. Then Lip looks away and buries his face in her neck.

It hurts more than she thought it would.


End file.
